harlot (filledejoie) wrote,

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*sighs* i just sent this to charlie.

Dear Charlie,

It’s been really rough for me being torn apart from you these last couple weeks, and not being able to talk to you has given me some time to be on my own. I’ve been going out with this guy, Damon, and though it isn’t leading to anything, it’s nice to be able to go out with someone and snuggle with someone and have sex with someone who is around and can call me and talk to me when I want him to. I’ve been going over this all day in my mind, and even though I still love you with all that is in me, I have to bring myself to end this relationship with you. I don’t think I can stand to be apart from you and not know when I ever may see you, or if it will work, or anything like that. I don’t like not knowing if you’re in danger or if you’re dead or if you’re in jail…and I don’t like that those things are even possible. You and I have been friends since my head was scraping bottom and I have always loved and appreciated you, but, sadly, my patience is being tried now that I’ve found out I may not be able to be with you at all this summer or, possibly, ever.
One of the things that has most upset me these last couple of weeks is that you won’t tell me what’s going on in your life. You say that you don’t want to burden me, or get me involved with your problems, but I am your girlfriend and I know that I have a right to know what’s going on with you. I feel like you don’t trust me when you tell me those things, even though you tell me that you do. Telling me one thing and doing another is enough to drive any person crazy, and that’s a big part of why I just cannot continue this relationship. I also hate that you’re so far away and I can’t hold you and protect you and physically love you, and I can’t know, for sure, that you’ll always be in my life if and when you come to see me.
Not wanting to prolong this any further, I’ll simply let this end here. I would have called you to tell you there, but you’re never home, and it’s impossible to find time to talk to you if you’re never around. I still love you, Charlie, don’t get me wrong…and I hope someday you will forgive me for letting you go.

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